A harsh reality, five pounds & poop

So, the beginning of January is here and there is nothing to forage, I haven't learnt to hunt yet and still need to figure out my menu, so I’ve been thinking about the ingredients that I may have a problem sourcing. 

My first thought went to alcohol, and what I can do to achieve my goal of having beer at my feast.  Beer is a simple theory.  You need water, a starter yeast, some malted barley and hops.  When I actually get round to making the beer, I'll deal with the hops, but my brain went into overdrive today regarding the barley.

I spoke to a work colleague who is an amateur brewer and been advised that for around 20 litres of beer, I will need 5kg of malted barley.  So, malted barley – where can I get that?  I’ve been told that buying from brewery shops, it would cost £5 for the amount that I need.  “That is very reasonable, a fiver for twenty litres of beer” thought I, and there was the temptation to reach into my wallet and haul out a crisp note.  Then the realisation of my challenge set in.  It isn’t that I can’t afford five pounds for the barley, I can, but my budget doesn’t allow me to.

A fiver is a sixth of my total budget for every consumable item on my Christmas dining table.  I figure I’m going to have to buy things like dairy products, sugar, maybe some spices and these ingredients aren't cheap.  So not to eat up all the budget, I realised I am going to have to change my mindset as I simply cannot afford to spend this money on barley to make beer.  If I want beer, I am going to have to make it for free, and I'm also going to have to find a lot of things for free.

I also need to figure out how I can bottle this beer.  I have easy access to empty beer bottles, but I can’t seal those with caps unless I spend money on them – again, something I can’t afford, so I need to find a source of swing top bottles, like the ones that are used by Grolsch.  Any ideas folks?

On a positive note, I’ve had some advice regarding veggies.  Tim Butler who runs The Seafood Restaurant in St Andrews has suggested upturned grow bags for growing all the root vegetables that I will need.  With a little lateral thinking, I realized that can make my own grow bags.  There are many farms around where I live, and they have horses.  In the next few days (once the farmer’s new year hangovers have subsided) I plan to approach a few farms with the hope that I can clear out their stables and collect the horse manure.  Sure, it means scooping a lot of poop, but it contains the nutrients that potatoes and parsnips need.  Combining this with some soil and then filling the mix into jute bags will be my first step, before leaving for a few months to compost down.  Then, come the springtime, I should have a DIY grow bag in which to plant my root veg for Christmas.  As I’m going to have to grow these at the front of my house, half way up a cliff with a public footpath running by, the jute sacks will also look much better than a plastic grow bag and stop the local preservation society moaning that I'm making my house look messy - I hope!

Initial thoughts 2: Where will I get the veggies from?

It is pretty easy to grow vegetables for a Christmas dinner.  Carrots, Parsnips and Potatoes are all very simple.  You dig a hole in the ground, plant a seed or a tuber, cover them up, water and leave them to it.  They pretty much grow themselves.  The problem I have is that I don’t have any land in which to plant root vegetables and you can’t have Christmas dinner without roast potatoes so I need to figure out how I’m going to get root veg.  Another ‘must have’ on the Christmas table is Brussels Sprouts and I haven’t a clue how I am going to find them.  There are plenty of farmers on the east coast of Scotland that grow sprouts, so maybe that may call for bartering.

I have a very good book on finding mushrooms, called Mushrooms by Roger Phillips and have already found a place where I know Chanterelle mushrooms grow.  There are also many other fungi in woodlands and on trees so I need to learn what is edible and what isn’t.  Due to the desire I have to not be poisoned by a rogue toadstool, I have every intention of finding a guide who can help me positively identify every mushroom I pick.  I’ll then (after having a few of them lightly fried on toast) learn how to preserve wild mushrooms for either use in the feast or give out as gifts.

Seaweed is in abundance on the east coast of Scotland, and with the help of the internet and a few books, I want to explore this massively unused source of food.  I am sure that by drying and rehydrating, they could provide a suitable alternative to cabbage or other green, leafy veg.  I have also heard that there is a lot of samphire on the beaches too, and I hope that I can find out what to do with this plant, that appears to be a staple on all Michelin star restaurant menus.

Herbs are the things that I don’t have a problem finding.  Aside from the two (small) rosemary plants that are already in my tiny flowerbed, I have a thriving sage plant and am going to plant various herbs in pots and keep them outside my house.  Sure, some may get pinched by the occasional passing rambler, or peed on by a passing dog, but such is the way with growing food!  I have heard that there is some wild garlic growing in a park in St Andrews, so hopefully that should provide me with some much needed flavouring.

I also have a chilli plant in my kitchen window that appears to continuously be producing fruit.  I’ve frozen some chillies grown from this plant, so may use those in the autumn months when I’m making preserves and chutneys.

I reckon that with a bit of lateral thinking I should be able to provide the necessary veg for a Christmas feast, even if it does mean bartering with allotment owners or farmers.  The next thing I need to figure out is fruit.